Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Me! And them! But usually them.

So, I had put in a tickler file (i.e. my desktop post-it notes, the only place where my ideas may not be forgotten) to write a blog post about finally returning to me. I shopped for new clothes over Mother's Day, which was both a triumph of personal gifting (something for me to make me feel good), but also one of the first two-hour blocks I had spent away from my baby -- and I wasn't even frantically working! For a few weeks after, I felt like things had shifted. I wasn't just the mother of a preschooler and baby, but I was a fun, working woman who had some friends she saw sometimes. I started to be a more present wife and found myself talking about things that weren't related to kid poop or sleep. It was refreshing.

And then...July. After returning from the beaches, we had minimal plans. I thought it would be good to take a break from scheduled activities and enjoy these free days with my girls. Turns out, that knocked me down a few pegs.* Sylvia is testing authority, napping erratically, and challenging me daily. Amelia has added another wake-up or two to her already crappy night of sleep, and can be lovely or annoying during the day, depending on, well, who knows what. She naps before Sylvia wears down, so I get no work/break time during the day. Oh, and it's been storming nearly every day, making it too rainy or too horribly humid to spend much time outdoors.

I am counting down to the start of school for Sylvia, and Mother's Morning Out starts soon after for Amelia. I'll have TWO WHOLE MORNINGS to try to find that person again, the one who didn't scream at her kids, wore something besides beat-up khaki shorts, and had conversations beyond negotiating the number of pretzels that can be consumed at snack.

In the meantime, sorry about all the kid posts. But these days, life is all about them, even when I try to make it about me.

*I am loathe to ever complain about this, knowing that many moms have to work long hours away from their kids and would love a day or week in my shoes, home and schedule-free -- but you know, we all struggle in our own ways. I'd kill for an office to go to some days.

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