Friday, August 12, 2011

I'm Over Snark

Maybe I'm just bitter. Maybe I just want to belong. But...

Since I started blogging last month, I decided to start reading more blogs. I followed links my friends suggested and ended up on a lot of so-called Mommy Blogs. Many of them are fantastic and offer an amusing take on the struggles we are all going through. But you know, they also are all starting to sound alike. Each blogger brags about her "snark" - often making the same jokes about how having kids ruins your life, how parenting is easier with alcohol, how husbands just don't get it, and how they watch bad reality TV just to make fun of it. I know that these are all well educated women who have great senses of humor and sure know how to tell a great story. I respect them for blogging and for keeping things entertaining day after day. But at some point, I realized I was done.

This happened to me in college as well. When I first arrived, I hung out only with the theatre kids. Their sarcasm, devil-may-care attitude was refreshing. I eagerly wanted to understand all the inside jokes, to make the same scathing commentaries about the world. But after a few years, it got old. It's exhausting to be judgy all the time. It wears me down to be cynical.

Thankfully, my then-boyfriend-now-husband was going through the same crisis. He too was longing for something more authentic, something less angry, something with a little more joy. We found each other, and we shifted our group of friends. While I still love many of my friends from the theatre crowd, the ones I still keep up with were the ones that laughed a lot (not always at the expense of others), were silly, and welcomed me with open arms. I didn't have to pretend to be cool (ha! a stretch) or drop all the right names; they welcomed me anyway. Thanks guys.

Now, do I drink wine after a long day with a toddler? Yes, yes I do. Do I watch bad reality TV just to judge it? Check. And am I keeping a blog so I can yell about all this stuff to the world? Um, yes. But somehow...I want to step away from that too. I want to stay joyful. I don't want to join the cool kids club.

So yeah. Sorry about that, all you snarky moms out there. I will visit your world, I will laugh with you...but then I will go back to my studies, to my toddler, to my husband, and I will work hard to appreciate all the good stuff I've got. Because I sure like seeing the world better with rose-colored glasses than with the harsh glare of cynicism. Now pardon me while I celebrate all this happiness with a cocktail or three.


  1. I concur, momma-friend! It's the same stuff over and over again. When you see it in the printed form over and over again, it gets to be overkill. I think the best we can say, new moms must really NEED this. In a more balanced moment, the complaints and jokes of others sounds snarky. But in that desperate moment, when your toddler just smeared poop on the new couch or is having the thirty-second tantrum of the day because they don't want to walk down the stairs...the escape is to share it, to write it down or tell your step outside of it and frame it with a sense of humor.
    Secondly, snark is a negative feedback loop that goes around and around. Who can follow "this sucks and is super hard" with "my kid just did this amazing thing and I am SOOO proud it brings tears to my eyes"? It is old-fashioned to say positive things about motherhood. The new moms are all about the grim reality of parenthood. Dunno how we got here.
    p.s. There's some good positive and modern mommy vibes at "The Happiest Mom" you check that one?

  2. And, because I am now empowered by a previous post of yours, I will tell you that your second to last sentence needs a "than" in place of the "then." ;)

  3. I add and delete blogs all the time. When I start to roll my eyes at every post, or begin immediately composing a response (in my head only) to why this woman has it wrong . . . well, I quit reading. Some of it is funny stuff, too, much more carefully and hilariously constructed than my stuff. But - eh. I have to deal with enough real people in my life that make me crazy, the heck with adding more.

  4. @Bethany - Thanks for the grammar correction. I appreciate the learning experience. ;)
    Also, thanks for the suggestion to read The Happiest Mom. Her entry is about the angst of choosing a school -- she would have fit right into our conversation last weekend. Glad to find another blog to read.
    @Gillian -- I think you're right. My moods change, thus the blogs I want to read change. Sometimes I need to know that other moms are pulling their hair out; other times I need calm and joy. It's a great idea to screen as your sanity allows. Oh, and thank YOU for having a mommy blog I love following!