Ugh. I finally had a meeting with my advisor, an endowed chair who spends most of the summer in a cabin with no Internet. I talked to him back in early June when I was trying to get some writing done while living with my mom at the beach (there was perhaps more beach time than writing time, but whatever, it was summer). But I hadn't talked to him since somewhat changing my angle and starting to write my first chapters and, well, maybe that was a bad idea.
During our very brief meeting yesterday, he was able to immediately ascertain that my current thesis didn't appear to have an argument. Sadly, this is true. I had a lot of information and was taking it nowhere. It seems that while I can write succinct, to-the-point one-page press releases and brief web copy, I apparently get lost when told to write, oh, 80 pages or more. My plan to just keep writing about everything I had found until a point seemed to emerge suddenly looked seemed ridiculous (not that I'm surprised, as my concern was growing as well).
So now I'm feeling adrift. I had been so upbeat about this process. I was ahead of schedule, relieved of the requirements of classwork, and happy to sit and write on this topic. I was actually feeling less stressed than I have in...well...as long as I can remember. Honestly, I was lighter than air. (To illustrate, I had actually used Sylvia's nap time the past few days to catch up on Project Runway, finish a book and nap myself, all splurges that I would never have allowed in previous student life). But now, now I'm back into standard stress mode. I need to see what parts of my paper I can salvage and figure out what I need to do to get back on track. I have to do more research, more reading, more sorting. And I need to do this quickly, as two months is suddently sounding like no time at all.
I'm trying to think of this as a bit of a blessing. I work better under stress, and now I have some. But man, I was really enjoying that blissful feeling of being on top of things. Glad I enjoyed it while I could, because now it's back to late nights in front of the blinking screen. Ugh.