Mama's Dirty Little Secret

I have many talents in life: I'm a fairly good baker, I have good balance, I know a lot of grammar rules, I have no fear of public speaking.  Housecleaning, however, is not one of those talents. I mean, I know how to do it. My parents were big believers in chores, and I had to do laundry, scrub my bathroom, vacuum and dust on a very regular schedule for most of my childhood. I can clean up my house quite nicely before a party (though please don't look behind my closed bedroom door), and I think I was a fairly good roommate who kept common areas neat.

But just because I know how to doesn't mean I want to. I will happily cook a three-course meal with a two-layer cake before I'll bother picking up a dust cloth or pulling out the vacuum (though I do hate the dishes after the cooking). I occasionally get bouts of motivation, where I'll clean all the bathrooms, or vacuum every bedroom, but then I run out of steam and get overwhelmed realizing how much else needs to be done (must I clean All the Things?!).

(c) Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half

Having children forced me to do better. Setting their tiny bodies on the floor made me realize the need to vacuum. Serving them first foods forced me to mop the kitchen floor regularly. Cloth diapers and a million tiny onesies turned laundry into my most dedicated hobby. I began to clean more, but it was never enough, and I lived with constant guilt about my dirty house and frustration knowing it needed to be cleaner.

There was another layer of guilt too. When I had Sylvia, I quit my 9-5 office job. I was a stay-at-home mom, and as such, cleaning duties fell almost entirely to me. It was part of the job I signed up for. I couldn't really get away with blaming it all on my husband anymore, as he was out of the house 40+ hours a week, and I was home most of the day. I should have had time to clean. I should have been more inspired to clean. But it never happened, and the guilt (and dust) grew.

After each of the girls were born, my parents gifted me money to hire a housekeeper, and those few months were glorious times in which All the Things were clean at the same time (!), and I actually felt at ease in my own home. I wanted desperately to keep paying them to clean for me, but the guilt of doing so as a stay-at-home mom was too great: I should be able to do this. It's part of my job description. We have one salary and money could certainly be spent better elsewhere.

But I started talking to other moms -- other stay-at-home moms -- and I learned a little secret. Lots of people hire house cleaners. I should note that my mom friends are all solidly middle class. This is not a group of society moms hanging out between spa appointments and luncheons at The Club. Yet almost all of them scrape together funds to pay someone else to clean their homes. No one really talked about it until I asked, but all were quick to admit that it was worth every penny.

So a few months ago, I hired cleaners full time. They come every other week, and it is glorious. They do a better job than I ever could, and they've relieved me of guilt, embarrassment, and probably a few health-code violations. It's worth the sacrifice to our budget to make the house run better.

This Mother's Day, I hope all you moms out there will realize that you can't do it all. It's OK to ask for help. And it turns out, more moms than you realize are getting some help. And for you dads and kids out there, for Mother's Day or any other occasion, considering getting Mom a service instead of a gift. A house cleaner, a masseuse, a tax professional, or someone to cook up three casseroles for the freezer: these pros will give mom the break she deserves, and will perhaps allow her other talents to shine through.

So I guess this means I should start baking more cakes.

Sleep Update: Because You Care

I seemed to have touch a nerve with my last post, as I have heard back from quite a few folks. I was honored to have another mom -- a high school friend I had barely talked to in decades -- tell me that I was her inspiration to try gently sleep-training her 18-month-old, and it worked in one night! Another mom from Sylvia's preschool had been lying down next to her 8-year-old every evening, and after reading my post, decided that maybe she could stop. She did, and he didn't bat an eye. Now, I'm not advocating that all moms stop cuddling their babies, but these two moms were ready for some space and just needed a little encouragement to get it. I was proud to help.

Many other moms have asked me, "So, are you enjoying getting all that sleep?" To which my answer is, NO, because we're not really sleeping. I mean, it's better -- better than when we were up every 45 minutes, and better in that Amelia sleeps in the crib and I have a little more autonomy and life is slightly more predictable. But after that first successful week, she backslid quite a bit.

First, it was a few fluky nights of more regular wake-ups. It turned out she had an ear infection, which required ten days of antibiotics. After letting her do what she wanted for a week (which was to wake up every two hours), I went back to trying to get her go longer. Somewhere in the middle of all that, she cut her first two teeth. Now, some nights, she can sleep five hours. Others, she's up after 1.5 hours.

The good news is that she has the skill set: I can put her down to nap wide awake, and she'll fall asleep within two minutes. Our bedtime routine is easy and non-taxing. When she does wake up, we nurse quickly and I'm back in my bed within seven minutes. The bad news is that some nights I barely get two hours of uninterrupted sleep. And I never know which nights those are going to be.

So, bottom line: baby sleep is rarely perfect. Even those of us who make the decision to try sleep training don't end up with perfectly "trained" children. Maybe some day I'll stop nursing her at night, which would likely end some of the wake-ups, but for now I think she needs me. Or maybe she doesn't. But we're doing pretty OK, we're getting by, and I know this won't last long. I'm trying to be zen about it, realize this is my last baby, my last time to snuggle and nurse and rock at 3 a.m. Meanwhile, I'm also cheering that soon (SOON!) I won't have to snuggle and nurse and rock at 3 a.m.

So I continue to be a poor example of What To Do or even What Not to Do. We are getting by. We are being flexible. And frankly, that's about the best I can expect with a baby. For those of you with natural sleepers: good on ya! For those of you awake all night: I feel ya. And for all of us caught up in-between: this too shall pass. We'll all get some sleep...in 18 years or so.

The Requisite Mommy Blog Sleep Post

This post is about getting our baby to sleep. This means I will likely bore the pants off of some of you, and anger or offend others. In either case, I apologize. 

Over the past few months, things around here started to break down. Most of it was due to sleep deprivation. The baby fell into a pattern of going to sleep in the crib around 8 p.m., waking up and wanting to nurse every 30 minutes to 1.5 hours (usually around 45 minutes) until about 11 p.m., when I'd bring her into bed with me. There, she'd wake up wanting to nurse on the same intervals. Some days, she'd nap well and on a regular schedule (assuming I nursed her to sleep for about 20 minutes first), which helped, but other days she'd take 20-minute cat naps throughout the afternoon. I was drained, my boobs hurt, I wasn't very fun to be around, I had no social life. All of these traits are normal in new moms, but as we started pushing eight months of it, I knew something had to give.

Don't you want to see me every hour of the night?

I generally follow Attachment Parenting guidelines (though I do like cribs), and have always been opposed to sleep training (defined as letting a baby cry alone in the crib to "learn how to self-soothe"), since it seemed unnatural and possibly cruel. If nothing else, I just don't have the heart to let my baby cry it out. With Sylvia, D and I often argued over his wanting me to let her cry vs. my rush to soothe her. Sylvia woke up 1-3 times/night until she was fully weaned (around 14 months), and even after that woke up pretty regularly for a while. At age 3.5, she still gets up a few times each week. With Amelia, I tried about 6 weeks ago to just hold her and let her cry (withholding nursing after a quick wake up), and I caved after 15 minutes. I just couldn't do it.

The breaking point was my trip to Alexandria, VA, last weekend for a combination social/work weekend. Though I had a wonderful time, it was very frustrating dealing with a baby who barely stayed asleep for 45 minutes before requiring 15 minutes or more of nursing. I missed big chunks of a party that was being thrown for me, and I was groggy and sleepy without my chance to sleep in (no husband with me to help in the morning) or take naps (too much to do). Other families were there with their same-aged babies, who were happy and social and could sleep better than mine.

Returning from my trip exhausted, weary and overwhelmed, we knew it was time to do something different. A good friend who has similar parenting philosophies to mine gave me step-by-step, encouraging advice about how she followed Good Night Sleep Tight, a book that advocates staying with the child as she cries and works to sleep. Though I liked the idea, my husband was not on board for helping with this, and I was convinced that my presence (i.e. boobs in sight but unavailable) would upset Amelia more than help her. This proved true two weeks ago when, overly frustrated and exhausted one night, I left Amelia to cry in the bed, and it lasted less than 10 minutes before she fell asleep soundly. There are plenty of examples in books and online of folks using the Ferber or Weissbluth methods whose babies cry for hours -- and I refused to put Amelia (and me!) through that stress. I didn't want to cancel out eight months of trust and attachment with two nights of terror. But she seemed ready to sleep without me, so I decided to trust my instincts and see how bad it would get....

Gloriousness

On Monday, I sent D and Sylvia away to sleep at his parents' house so I wouldn't have to worry about the whole house hearing cries. The first night, I put Amelia down drowsy but awake and left her in the crib, crying. She cried (not very hard) for 14 minutes before sleeping for 3.5 hours. It was amazing. The worst part of that night was when she called out from 3-4 a.m., but she was just yelling a few times, never really crying or upset. I didn't stick to any book's assigned time (waiting exactly 8 minutes or only soothing her for 30 seconds), but rather listened to Amelia's cries: when she was really mad, I assumed hunger, but otherwise it was more like frustration.

That was five days ago, and since then she's done a pretty awesome job of going to sleep and staying asleep in the crib, sometimes as long as five hours. I've kept detailed notes on her progress, but that is likely more than any of you want to know. We haven't followed the three-nights-and-you're-done! progress of many other bloggers' stories, and she didn't suddenly start sleeping 12 hours, but we are certainly on a path to improvement. I am still nursing Amelia twice each night -- around 12:30 a.m. and 5 a.m. -- so that has made the process calmer and easier. My babies tend to have fast metabolisms and she's not eating much solid food, so I feel like she needs to nurse still. I sense she may drop the early morning feed soon, but we'll see.

The improved nighttime sleep has also improved naps. She goes down on a regular schedule and is happy to be in the crib. There have been some flukes and some messed-up days, but all-in-all, everything -- and I mean EVERYTHING -- about our days and nights has improved. I am in a better mood than I remember in months. My marriage is better this week. I returned to cooking better meals, playing more with my older daughter, and getting more work projects done (less need to nap!). I joined a Book Club and was able to leave the house from 8-10 p.m. without fretting. I have the inklings of a social life on the horizon, and maybe even a few dates with my husband, and that feels so restorative.

I've learned a few things from this process:

• Things we fret about for months often resolve themselves quite easily. There was a lot of drama in this house about sleep training -- going back to our first kid 3.5 years ago. All my plans, all the talk, all the worry fell away to just doing what felt right one night. And it worked.
• Timing is important. I don't think Amelia nor I were ready for this a month ago, but we were both ready this week. I'm still glad I had her in bed with me for eight months. I'll miss that time.
• Books are good guidelines, but those authors don't know your kids. I read Good Night Sleep Tight and the No Cry Sleep Solution, as well as a lot of blogs. I liked some ideas, was horrified by others, and tried and failed at some proposed solutions. In the end, what worked best for me was advice and encouragement from mama-friends, and then doing what I knew was best for my kid and my family. Some might not think that waking up twice each night is a good thing, but it works for my family now.
• "You gotta put your own oxygen mask on first." This gem is from a dear friend, which was just what I needed to hear to realize that sometimes it's OK to prioritize myself; in fact, in doing so I can then take better care of my family. I needed sleep, and I needed to nurse less, and those needs are as important as the baby's. My marriage, my relationship with my elder daughter, and the functioning of our house were also important. 

So that's my long and dull post. But you know what? Because I've had some sleep, I had some time to post! So maybe I'll start blogging again more....

Opposition We Can All Agree On

I don’t often get political here. Sure, there are a lot of issues I’m passionate about…but I’m also pretty lazy. And I don’t like to offend people. And it’s just tiring to care all the time. But I’m currently up on my high horse about a new bill being proposed in the SC House that I find truly baffling in how unnecessary and, well, cruel it is. SC House Bill 3731, “the SC Lay Midwife Act,” is currently in committee, and it seeks to redefine the role of midwives in South Carolina, which would effectively shut down their legal practice.

As you know if you know me or read this blog at all, I’m a proponent of natural childbirth. I am thrilled to live in a state in which midwives and home births are legal (only true in 27 states), so that I could have the choice to have the type of birth I wanted (a choice made after years of research, health evaluations and personal reflection).  I have nothing against hospital deliveries and I recognize their importance and need – but I wish that all families knew about their options and were able to make a CHOICE about where and how to birth.

Bill 3731, which you can read in full text here, will make it nearly impossible for midwives to do their jobs. It demeans their hours and hours of education, their autonomy, and their relationships with their clients. I oppose the bill personally for a lot of reasons, but I thought it would be more effective to discuss why YOU, dear reader, should oppose it too. My master’s degree taught me nothing if not to consider the audience for any persuasive writing, and so I present to you my arguments, shaped for a variety of audiences who may not otherwise give a flying hoot about baby birthin’ in SC.

The “I Don’t Know Nuthin about Birthin no Babies” Arguments Against H-3731

For Tea Party Republicans
We don’t need more government enacting more bureaucracy over programs that are currently working just fine.

For Capitalists
This bill calls for every midwife to be directly supervised by an obstetrician. So that means obstetricians are in control of their own competition. This creates a monopoly, a trust of only one type of business service being offered to SC consumers.

For Republicans
Midwives and the birth centers they own and run represent hundreds of small businesses across the state. To shut them down is to close businesses in communities large and small. Furthermore, home births and births in birth centers cost an average of $4,000, versus the average hospital birth of $8,800. Midwives offer an affordable option for those paying cash or those with insurance. Medicaid currently covers midwives in SC – offering a significant savings for the government.

For Democrats
Midwives are most often hired by the underinsured, the poor, immigrants (legal and not), and religious communities. These people seek childbirth options that are familiar, and they are often passionately opposed to hospital deliveries. They will likely use midwives even if they become illegal, creating potentially dangerous scenarios when extensive medical care becomes necessary.

For the Patriotic
The US is 173rd in infant mortality rates. We are 136th for maternal mortality rates (deaths in childbirth). This from a country that claims to have the best health care system in the world? Clearly, our childbirth system is broken, and it takes very little research to see that all the top-ranking countries use midwives extensively, and most promote and support home births. Why would we want to oppose something that will improve health rates in our country?

For Anyone Working in Alternative Medicine
This bill defines “lay midwives” as people with “little formal training or recognized professional education in midwifery, who learned by accompanying doctors or midwives attending home births.”  In fact, SC’s midwives are fully licensed and regulated by DHEC. They work through formal education programs (outlined by DHEC) and complete intense (1:1 or 1:2) apprenticeships that last about 2-3 years. They take a formal examination in front of a review board and then, once licensed, meet continuing education requirements and regular peer review. Thus, the implication is that no medical school training equals no formal training. So that means you chiropractors, acupuncturists, nutritionists and the like are now “lay” workers with “little training.” How does that feel? Should you be watched over at all times by people who went to “formal” medical school?

For Obstetricians (yes, you too!)
There is a shortage of OB-GYNs. Rising insurance costs make this field expensive and difficult. I've heard stories of OB’s being overworked, pulled too hard away from their families, and generally overwhelmed, which added to the expense of running a practice, make many leave the field. So why not share the work with midwives? The midwives can handle the low-risk patients, and you can practice your medical skills with mothers who need your education and experience. It’s not competition when there are plenty of mothers to go around. Plus, do you really want the extra work of overseeing midwives while handling your own patients?

For Women (and Men Who Want to Have Babies with Women)
This is not about where you want to give birth. It’s about having a choice. Whether you want to be drugged into a coma in the fanciest hospital suite around, or alone in your candle-lit bathtub at home, you likely appreciate your chance to make that choice. Let’s ensure that all women of SC can continue to make the choice.

If any of this convinced you, please take action. Here’s what you can do:

• Contact these four sponsors of the bill. Also, contact the committee discussing the bill. When you click on these links, there is another link to send a message to the representative. 
• K.R. Crawford
• Robert L. Ridgeway
• J. Anne Parks
• Phyllis Henderson
• Find the state representatives for your area, tell them you oppose the bill (and hopefully that you are a voting constituent), and ask them to vote NO if the bill makes it out of committee.
• Sign this petition.
• Spread the word. You don’t have to live in SC to speak up and speak out.

Thanks for listening.

Shopping List Revealed

Last night I finally purchased my shopping cart from Amazon, which I'd been compiling for over a week. This cart is a surprisingly revealing snapshot of my family's life right now. I purchased:

1. Baby food freezer trays. Amelia is six months (!) and so we're starting solid food. So far, after her initial enthusiastic consumption (and then vomiting) of applesauce, she is dubious of the idea. Food is fun on your hands, not in your mouth, Mom. I know it doesn't help that I have to force-feed her pink bubblegum-flavored liquid antibiotic two times per day. If that was among my first exposures to food, I'd be dubious as well. Yet, I shall plow ahead and begin making a variety of colorful purees to freeze in my new trays. 
2. A new DSL modem. This is not very exciting. Our current modem blips out (technical term) at least once a day, and AT&T tells me it's my modem's fault, not theirs. I find the purchase symbolic, though, because I'm now working from home enough to notice that my Internet blips out one or more times per day. I happily have about 10 hours/week of work, and I even had to turn away a client (one I was excited about, even). My little business seems to be taking off, and I find the work interesting and the income (tiny though it may be) exciting.
3. Nose-hair trimmers. We are getting old. D especially is getting old. He now has hair growing out of weird places. Because he is a dude, though, and dudes -- especially married ones -- don't have to fret that weird hair is growing out of their faces, it has become my job to purchase the equipment to fix it, and then ask him to fix it. He doesn't care one way or the other that a small forest is sprouting out his nose. Oh, to be a dude sometimes. (I should add that my husband is very attractive and hygienic. Just...hairy.)
4. A novel. While my cheap self usually gets all my books from the library, I'm into a somewhat trashy trilogy that my local library is never going to stock. I have happily returned to reading novels every night, and often while nursing during the day. I've plowed through some literary ones, some beach books, and a few in-between. I'm enjoying connecting and reviewing on Goodreads, as well as taking a break from bad daytime TV.
5. A toy doctor's kit. I put this on Sylvia's birthday and Christmas lists, but she has not yet received one, so I'm giving it to her for Valentine's Day. She loves to play dress-up, and she also loves to play being a doctor, but she has yet to combine the two. I hope by giving her a doctor's bag, she'll take a break from dressing as a princess. More likely, she'll just become a princess with a stethoscope. That's OK too.

So there you have it: we are aging parents of two who enjoy reading and the Internet. Shocker.

I enjoyed this exercise, and would love to see others' Amazon carts for similar extrapolation. I know there's a blog that keeps track of discarded grocery lists. I wonder if there's one for abandoned Amazon carts?

The good and the bad

It seems like a recent theme of my entries is how the good and the bad come together. Most parents of young (or all?) children will understand this: life can be friggin hard and kinda wonderful all at the same time.

The bad: Sylvia and I have had a virus for 16 days. It has disrupted our sleep and made everyone cranky. Earlier this week, it morphed into an upper respiratory thing, and after Sylvia started coughing too much to sleep, and occasionally coughing until she threw up, it became time for a reevaluation and some antibiotics.

Also bad: Amelia has been waking up at night about every hour. I get excited when she sleeps for two hours straight. She wakes up to nurse and returns to sleep quickly, but still - I haven't had a full sleep cycle in over a month. We have changed sleeping arrangements, bedtimes, routines, and nursing patterns, all at no avail. If I didn't have baby-mama magical powers, I don't know how I'd be holding it together. As it stands, I'm just barely staying this side of sane.

The good: I have some new freelance clients and I'm loving it. I've been writing social media copy for a vineyard in Virginia, which has made for some fun research about wine and food, and helping promote a big DC fundraiser. I'm also managing a Twitter and Facebook account for a dog magazine, which is interesting. I'm enjoying using techniques I taught in class and writing a lot more. It's all quite fulfilling.

Also good: last Thursday was my first day of grandparent babysitting. D's parents took Amelia all morning while I worked I their basement, and the baby and I survived just fine. They then picked up Sylvia from school and kept her most of the afternoon. After a morning without the baby and an afternoon with the elder kid, I was revitalized and totally in love with my babies again.

It's now time for another night, another week. Here's hoping we get some sleep and health. All in all, though, we are blessed.

2012 Overview

A friend blogger posts these questions and answers each year, so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon. Admittedly, my answers will get repetitive, as bringing a new life into the world was a pretty capstone event for 2012, but here goes...

1. What did you do in 2012 that you've never done before?

The biggie was giving birth at home. I was also humbled to promote myself as a freelancer and ask friends for work. Oh, and I presented my thesis research at an academic conference - my first to attend and present at.

2. Did you keep the resolutions you made? Will you make more this year?

I don't make resolutions. I generally try to be healthier, mentally and physically, each year, but I don't set concrete goals.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Me! And some of my MOMS Club friends, as well as a dear childhood friend. Also a few college friends I keep up with on Facebook.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, my husband's maternal grandmother died. She was 92, very active and sharp till the end. She spent her winters in Clemson, so I knew her quite well. She was smart, well read, loved to eat good food and chat over the dinner table. We all miss her. Christmas was a bit sad without her.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. I was pleased just to leave the state a few times. D and I pledged long ago to vacation abroad at least every other year, but the kids have put that dream on hold for a while.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Full nights of sleep! Between my pregnancy and this baby, 2012 was not a well rested year. I'm doubtful it'll be much different in 2013, but 2014 should be my year....

7. What dates from 2012 will be etched in your memory and why?

Hm. I'm not great with dates, even though there were some big events this year. May 19 stands out: the day one of my best friends was married. I read from The Alchemist at the ceremony, and D and I enjoyed a brief babymoon on the NJ shore. It was a fun weekend with dear friends and precious "grown-up time." On August 8, I delivered my baby girl - on her due date, no less! And on November 3, Amelia was baptized at our lovely church, followed by a small but warm party with family (and lots of long-distance love sent by godparents).

8. What was your bravest achievement?

Having a healthy birth in my home, with no fear.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't feel like I was a very good friend this year. Some of my friends are going through difficult times right now, and it has made me realize how little I do to truly engage with the people I love. Distance sucks.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Thankfully, nothing major affected my health. That said, I am normally quite healthy, but I spent the first half of 2012 sick as a dog. My pregnancy-weakened immune system caught every bug that blew through this town. I spent days at Urgent Care with breathing problems, likely the result of pregnancy-induced asthma (a first for me). We blew through our Flexible Spending account by summer trying to get me well. Thankfully, it all cleared by May or so.

11. Where did most of your money go?

Well, it dried up quite a bit when the semester ended in May, since for the first time since I was 14, I was earning no money. The money we did make went mostly to our house, which we finally bought (after a year of renting due to a weird title issue). Down payment, mortgage, a few repairs, painting...that'll dent your savings. I also spent more than I should have on food. I cooked a lot of fun dishes in 2012.

12. What song will always remind you of 2012?

A tie: "Call Me Maybe" and "Somebody That I Used to Know."

13. Are you (a) happier or sadder, (b) richer or poorer, (c) fatter or thinner than you were last year?

A - this is tricky. Being a parent of a new baby brings a lot of joy, but also a lot of frustrations and exhaustion. I was probably more consistently happy in 2011, but had more moments of great joy in 2012.

B - Poorer. I miss having a salary.

C - Fatter. 2011 was my thinnest year since high school. In 2012, I gained 40+ pounds in pregnancy and am still carrying some of that around.

14. How did you spend Christmas?

My mom came to visit, but she was sick with an upper respiratory virus. She went to bed after we opened gifts on Christmas morning and missed the whole day. But we hosted a lovely Christmas Eve dinner at our house for our clan, my mom, my parents-in-law, D's aunt, and a family friend. After opening gifts at home Christmas morning - a happy event that took almost 3 hours, as Sylvia happily played with each new present - we took giant naps, then spent the evening at D's parents' house, with his sister's family up from Atlanta. It was all rather low-key but fun.

15. Did you fall in love this year?

I fell completely, utterly in love with an 8lb precious child I met on August 8. She holds a very large part of my heart in her tiny fingers.

16. What was your favorite TV program in 2012?

Downton Abbey. Honorable mentions: Call the Midwife, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, The Newsroom and Project Runway.

17. What was the best book you read in 2012?

Probably Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (I know, 15 or so years late). I also really enjoyed The Memory Keeper's Daughter, The Cove, The Birth House, and The Language of Flowers.

18. What did you want and get? What did you want and not get?

First, a healthy child (praise be!). Next, a child who sleeps well at night.

19. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I turned 33 in February (my Jesus year!). My birthday is on Valentines' Day, a difficult day to go out to dinner or host a party, so D typically makes me a nice meal. I was in the middle of one of my many diseases, but we enjoyed a late (after Sylvia was in bed) meal of fondue. I recall enjoying the candlelit dinner, but having to take a break for a severe coughing spell.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Large and comfortable - I was pregnant or nursing the whole year. That said, I did discover the joys of maxi dresses, and the comfort of tunics with leggings, both trends I will likely keep once I have my shape back.

21. What kept you sane?

Social media. I love connecting with friends and knowing others are having similar experiences, especially with children.

22. What political issue stirred you the most?

The rise of the Tea Party and their effect on the Republican Party platform really frustrates me. The Newsroom (TV show on HBO) eloquently explains the takeover better than I can. But I was often worked up by ignorant, closed-minded, uncompromising folks having too much say on national news networks and within party war rooms. An uneducated populace gets me all riled up.

23. Who did you miss?

My dearest childhood girlfriends are scattered around the country. We try to get together every year, but it didn't happen in 2012. I miss them.

24. Who was the best new person you met?

My second daughter, Amelia. I've also gotten to know more moms in our MOMS Club, and I'm very much enjoying their friendships.

25. Tell a valuable life lesson you learned this year.

You can't plan for everything, but often the change is for the best. I had planned to give birth at a birth center, but ended up doing so at home. I had planned to keep teaching college classes, but that changed unexpectedly, and out of my control.

26. What song lyric from 2012 sums up your year?

Oh I don't know. This question is better suited for college-aged me. I'm just thrilled to have some great Pandora stations, and a daughter who loves kitchen dance parties.

Happy 2013 y'all!